First Night

First night, I toss in restless grief

Stretch out my arm along the sheets,

I am alive and feeling

But she can’t feel, not ever


Inhale, I sigh, relieve the stress

The air fresh, clean to fill my lungs

I am alive, but she will never breathe again


I toss again and turn, whole body roll to one side

The warmth and comfort, weight of blankets

I am alive, not her

She cannot turn, lies still, lies heavy

The life force gone forever


The tears, hot warmth against my cheek

I am alive, I grieve, I hurt

Not her, she will not cry again


Blond hair laid down to sleep

The quiet peace descends

She does not live

Hot tears, for her no more to flow


I am alive, in pain, and cry

Not her, no more of life

No more of pain


Herself, adrift and free

Somewhere above us now

Again deep throated laugh,

Thumbs up, the wink


She’s happy, but not me

My happiness, somewhere

A long and lonely road


Her struggles over, but not mine

She is at peace

Alive no more

Alive, I grieve

First night

No child



And all is said and done


Kathy Briant, Jan 22/09