BOOK: see www.KathyBriantBooks.com for some more writing samples
Right now I am working on kinds of trees. The land I imagine is full of them, so there must be lots of variety and some of them are sentient…
My mother loves those huge hot dogs from Costco ($1.50 includes a drink –a best deal in town). So I got her one and a lemonade. It comes in a Pepsi paper cup. So she says, Coke? I said lemonade. She doesn’t always hear well.
I watched her prepare her hot dog. It is quite the process. First she slices the long hot dog lengthwise. Then she puts it in the bun and cuts it in half. Then she dresses it, onion, mustard, relish and finally ketchup on the side. Then she eats that half, usually with a knife and fork (I know, hilarious). Once that is done she starts on the other half. It takes her over ½ hour to eat the thing, but she enjoys it.
I said, How do you like the lemonade? It was half done. Lemonade? I thought it was Coke? Coke? I said and started to laugh. How do you mistake lemonade for Coke? Made me and her laugh and laugh. Who needs TV when you have mom.
GRIEF: 106 Ways to Deal with Grief, www.KathyBriantBooks.com
The idea behind the statement…
30. Grief takes its own time. Don’t have expectations of yourself. You can’t predict how you will be or for how long. Others should not expect this of you either.
I always thought, ok, maybe six months, maybe a year. Not. I am in year six now and yesterday I had a bad moment, thinking of Shannon and all that was lost. Very sad. I am not as torn up about it, nor for as long, but I don’t think those feelings will ever go away. Time mutes them perhaps, but loss is a permanent sorrow and grief lasts a lifetime.
People have expectations based on I don’t know what. TV? We are so poorly prepared for death in this culture. It’s ridiculous. It is such an individual experience that there are no real hard and fast guidelines. First numbness or denial, then rage and other out of control emotions, sickness, depression, resignation and I don’t think there is ever acceptance. That is sort of the range of things, but the order, length of time in each, and which will last for a long time – well, that’s up to your reaction and you can’t plan a reaction. So be kind and try not to get stuck too long in any one stage. Don’t have expectations of yourself and let others know that you are not here to live up to their expectations either. It will take its own time.